MkO|360 Features

102 Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

a.k.a. When Life Hands You Scraps, Make Quilts

1. After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

2. Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

3. Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?

4. Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?

5. Do fish get cramps after eating?

6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

7. Do one-legged ducks swim in circles?

8. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

9. Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?

10. Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?

11. How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

12. How can there be self-help groups?

13. How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

14. How do you know when yogurt goes bad?

15. How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

16. How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

17. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

18. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

19. If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?

20. If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?

21. If a jogger runs at the speed of sound can he still hear his Walkman?

22. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

24. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

25. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

26. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

27. If a word in the dictionary was misspelled, how would we know?

28. If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

30. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

31. If God sneezes...what should you say?

32. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

33. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

34. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

35. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

36. If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

37. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

38. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

39. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on its doors?

40. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

41. If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

42. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

43. If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

44. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

45. If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?

46. If you choke a smurf, what color will he turn?

47. If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

48. If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?

49. If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?

50. If you take a shower, where do you put it?

51. If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

52. If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

53. Is there another word for synonym?

54. Is there reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

55. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

56. Life is hard compared to what?

57. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

58. Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

59. Since cats always land on their feet and jelly bread always lands jelly-side down, what happens if you tie jelly bread to the back of a cat?

60. There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

61. What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

62. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

63. What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

64. What happened to the first 6 ups?

65. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

66. What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

67. What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

68. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

69. What’s another word for thesaurus?

70. When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

71. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

72. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

73. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

74. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?

75. Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

76. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?

77. Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?

78. Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

79. Why are there flotation devices under airplane seats instead of parachutes?

80. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

81. Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

82. Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

83. Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like?

84. Why do noses run and feet smell?

85. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

86. Why do they report power outages on TV?

87. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

88. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

89. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

90. Why does bottled water have an expiration date?

91. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

92. Why is abbreviation such a long word?

93. Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

94. Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn the radio down?

95. Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

96. Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

97. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

98. Why isn’t there mice-flavored cat food?

99. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

100. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

101. You know how most packages say “Open here”? What should you do if the package says “Open somewhere else”?

102. You know that indestructable little black box that is used on airplanes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

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© Copyright 2002-2006 by Mickey J. Katz. This website was created March 18, 2002.

The above list was not written by Mickey J. Katz; the original source is unknown.